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Faith and knowledge are not incompatible – maybe you need both to achieve anything worthwhile wrote a dear friend, reacting to my crawl to the feet of the Black Goddess. It is strange how friends appear with the right words at the right time. Serendipity or messages from the Heavens? Anyone’ guess. But opportune indeed. It is strange how even the most Cartesian mind does encounter a seemingly insurmountable obstacle once in a while. That is when faith comes to the rescue. It was when I had exhausted all resources and options and still found no answer when trying to find out what ailed my husband who was disintegrating in front of my eyes that I turned to faith in complete surrender. It was my last resort, an abdication of my so called supra logical mind. From that moment there as no turning back. I had been heard and blessed. Maybe one needs to reach rock  bottom to be able to invoke genuine faith.

You may be wondering what other obstacle I have encountered to make me state that my friend’s words were timely. True there are umpteen issues that hit you when you reach your twilight years, when time is short and you realise you have many loose ends, some quite critical. I have more than my share. I am also aware of the fact that you cannot be greedy with faith, and the gratitude I feel for what I have been granted is immense and will be keep forever indebted. I also realise that however immense the issues I face may look, I have not yet dropped to a nadir and maybe only then can one seek heavenly help. I will soldier in all matters but there is one where I feel audacious enough to seek God’s help as it concerns not me and mine, but a multitude of innocent and helpless children whose dreams I hold in my withering hands.

Almost since its very inception, the future of project why has been on my mind. And though I must admit  there were times when I threw all caution to the winds, and allowed it to grow at quantum speed, a little voice in my mind always warned me of the consequences that lay ahead. Sustainability was a mantra I adopted in early days and tried to give it my all. And though we managed to keep our heads above water, taking a few ranks along the way, all efforts to find a sustainability option did not meet with any tangible success.

Time is short and though I am still willing to give it my all, one cannot forget that age has caught up irreversibly.

Is it time now to surrender to faith and plead for the miracle I cannot craft?

I do not know.

I will end with the words of the same friend. Maybe that is the way to go.

faith calls for surrender
surrender leads to stillness
stillness facilitates intuition
intuition connects to archival wisdom
voila, faith has brought home knowledge 

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To the manor born